So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
