2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
