I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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