I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
