I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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