Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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