Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
