Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
