Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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