? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
