Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
