How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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