that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i came on her dog
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
