Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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