i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
