it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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