I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize