You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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