Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
