If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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