dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
