i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize