What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize