If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
