it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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