Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
