This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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