I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
