You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
