I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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