when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
