It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
