What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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