Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
