No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
