So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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