whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need a beard to bite.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
