please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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