i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
