in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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