well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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