she woke up with a sticky ear
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
