i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
