Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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