Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
