My pussy is not your playground.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
