Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
