I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
