What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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