I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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