I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
