I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
