my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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