You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
