That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
