Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
