happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
