I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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