everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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