I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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