I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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