Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
