we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
