He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
