I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
